dirty tricks (writing)

you should only write when you need to
they say
only when you really, absolutely have to
if you have nothing to say
and don’t really need to
then you shouldn’t write
at all

most of the time
I really had nothing at all
to say
so I decided that most of the time I should
say nothing
but when I had something
I’d be sure to write it down
whenever it happened to come to me

so then, like dirty tricks
things came to me suddenly
but only when I was really tired

like when I’m just about to go to sleep
after several nights of not much of it
and I’m lying down finally, thinking
oh, this is nice
I’m going to sleep
and it’s about time
and my eyes and my head are already hurting from not sleeping
so here I come, finally, to get rid of it all

when all of a sudden my head starts
working
finally
like it hasn’t worked all day and all of a sudden
now
it’s started
and I’ve already made this rule
that I cannot write unless I really need to
but when I need to
then I really have to

so I’m getting out of bed
and my eyes and my head are aching
even my arm is throbbing (from today’s vaccination at the doctor)
but I’m going to the computer
because I have to write this down

because if I don’t
then I’ll wake up tomorrow
once again
with a brain that doesn’t function
and a memory that’s unforgiving
of broken promises